you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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