if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
