Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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