we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
