I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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