That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
