you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
