My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize