Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
