My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
