Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
