This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you made out with another girl for some wings
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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