I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
