I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
