i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize