Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
