Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
