well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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