Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
