Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize