I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He felt like a one man threesome
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
