i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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