Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
