Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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