She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i came on her dog
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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