worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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