The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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