Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
