In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There's always time for handjobs
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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