thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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