It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
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