I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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