Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
