I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
