so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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