Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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