I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
