My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
