Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
