first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
