I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my being single is dangerous.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
