when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
