Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I intend to get homeless drunk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
