thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
