The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
