Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Someone shattered a urinal.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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