Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
