This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The uberlube is also flammable
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize