So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
