he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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