Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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