My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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