Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
