Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
