I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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