I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
