Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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