dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
