I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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