Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
