Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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