Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
