I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
