in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
