ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
