so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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