My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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